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Do You Really, Really Need Voice?

With the release of Brawl and its undeniable awesomeness, everyone I’ve seen has the same thing to say: “We were disappointed with the lack of voice communications support.”

I can understand why you would want to communicate with your friends in game, both to coordinate matches and just to have some fun. But think about this for a minute, do you really need voice in this game? Let’s look at some of the things you’ll be encountering in your adventures with voice chat!

Instant Online Radio! Ah, who thought we could get music we’ve never heard of by artists without labels at such poor quality? Listening to music while playing a video game is great, especially when it comes over someone else’s 10 dollar Wal-Mart mic, which can barely communicate with its own headphone jack, let alone start a disco. I don’t know about you, but I love it when people share their musical tastes with me while I’m trying to say something important to my teammates or calling for backup. It makes be feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

10 year olds with superiority complexes! When I’m playing online, I enjoy listening to someone half my age talking about his enormous testicles and dropping F-bombs like he grew up at the state Veteran’s Hospital. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something when I beat up someone so young, and it’s ok to feel proud, because the little bastard had it coming. The state of our youth is in good hands when we can say with conviction that our children are growing up strong minded, strong willed, and strongly in need of some grammar lessons.

NEED A DISPENSER HERE! NEED A DISPENSER HERE! NEED A OH MY GOD WILL YOU JUST DIE

So the next time you start thinking to yourself “I wish this had voice communication so I could talk to the person I’m playing with,” just remember what comes with it. If you really want it that bad, get their cell phone number.